All the Cute Ones
by GB123
Summary: Have who ever loved someone who didn't love you back? Onesided KaguraSesshoumaru. Contains parodic elements.


All the Cute Ones. . .

Disclaimer: The One Green Bean does not own Inuyasha.

-

Kagura watched from a crack in the door as Sesshou-maru and Naraku rolled around in bed.

'How disgusting,' she thought. 'My father's gone off and stolen my boyfriend.' She seethed, and her eyes lingered on the pair a moment longer.

'That is kind of hot though.'

-

Her first plot was to coerce Sesshou-maru back into loving her.

She swooped down on Jaken like an oversized heron, carrying the little green man high into the clouds.

Oh ho, she thought. If Sesshou-maru ever wanted his servant back, he'd have to come to her. She strung Jaken up and hid him in the basement. Now all she had to do was wait.

Many days passed, and there was no sign of Sesshou-maru. There was no sign of Jaken either.

"What a lovely little dessert," Naraku told Kagura the next day. "I've misjudged you. You are a very thoughtful daughter." He patted Kagura on the head. "You may have some free time now."

-

Her second plot was an improved version of the first one. She dived and snatched Rin like a dazzling eagle, and took her into the stars.

Kagura would have expected the child to become faint with terror, but Rin merely held onto the feather tightly and looked up.

"Rin's never been this high before," said Rin. "The moon is very pretty. This is fun. But it's too cold to do a lot, don't you think? Sesshou-maru probably wouldn't mind. He has a huge fluffy to keep him warm. It's really soft." Kagura ignored her and continued steering.

Rin babbled some more about going on rides with Ah-Un and Jaken. Then she went back to talking about Sesshou-maru.

Kagura wondered why Sesshou-maru kept the little brat around. Perhaps, being gay, he had other tendencies?

"Tell me," said Kagura, "What do you think of Sesshou-maru?"

"Rin loves Sesshou-maru!" said Rin.

"Okay," said Kagura. "Does he love you back?"

"Sesshou-maru has been very nice to Rin. He is like a Sesshy-papa. Except Rin already had a father, so he is more like a brother."

"Does Sesshou-maru love anyone else?"

"He loves Naraku. Lord Sesshou-maru and Naraku are like brothers. They're really close, like this." Rin raised her two hands and put her index fingers together.

Kagura wondered if Rin understood what was going on. Her mental development seemed to be impaired a bit by her isolation from other humans. It was hard to believe Rin was more than twice as old as herself.

"You're pretty," said Rin. "But you're also kind of mean. You kidnapped Lord Jaken, and you never brought him back."

"Sesshou-maru was supposed to come get him."

"You're stupid. How could Lord Sesshou-maru know that if you didn't tell him?"

"Maybe Sesshou-maru was the stupid one. He should have figured it out himself," replied Kagura, temper rising. How dare the human girl insult her when _she_ was steering the feather. Kagura swerved sharply to the left.

Rin clung to her tightly.

"Rin is going to fall off," she cried.

"That's the point," said Kagura, and dove straight for the ground.

-

"Spit him out," said Sesshou-maru.

"I refuse," said Naraku. "I'm digesting him." They were both sitting half-naked in Naraku's room.

"I don't want to make love to recycled Jaken bits," said Sesshou-maru. "Go on, get him out."

"Fine," said Naraku. "But you owe me another meal for this."

"Why don't you just eat one of your children?" suggested Sesshou-maru. "You're always complaining about how useless they are."

Naraku looked at him. "They were made from expelled pieces of demons. Would you eat your own vomit?"

"I'm a dog demon."

There was a pause.

"Icky," said Naraku, and continued coughing up poor Jaken.

-

When she had tried to off Rin in a fit of rage, Kagura had only hurt herself. Diving headfirst was not smart if you were going to be the first person to hit the ground.

Rin sat up, a feather floating above her head. She was relatively uninjured and still optimistic about her survival. Kagura meanwhile, looked like she was in sight of the gates of Hell. Rin decided to go find Sesshou-maru. When you were a dirty little orphan at the scene of an accident, it was not wise to linger.

She hummed a merry tune as she traveled toward the purple haze she knew to be surrounding Naraku's castle. How sad, she thought, that there were no flowers along the way to the happy reunion. Then she could have made Lord Sesshou-maru a beautiful flower chain.

-

Naraku chortled. He loved watching the Kagura comedy show. That crazy wind witch was simply so ridiculous!

"Zoom in on her face," instructed Naraku. "I want to see the expression on her face when she dies."

Kanna obediently brought the view in closer.

"She looks constipated," said Naraku gleefully. "Go find Sesshou-maru so he can bring her back. I can't wait to rag on her about this one." The mirror surface flickered and changed from the bloody scene in the clearing to a lush forest.

There Sesshou-maru was dunking Jaken repeatedly in a stream. Probably cold, mused Naraku, seeing how the toad was protesting and squirming so.

After Jaken was reasonably clean, Sesshou-maru stepped on him with his regal, booted foot and got him all dirty again. Back in the river for him!

Naraku smiled. Sesshou-maru was so endearingly simple-minded with his punishments.

"I want to continue watching," said Naraku when Kanna started to fade the image.

Kanna frowned a tiny bit. Naraku was such a control freak with the remote (her). Kanna was finally going to stand up to him, and have some mirror time to herself. The mirror went dark.

"What's wrong?" said Naraku. Kanna brought the image back.

"My. . .apologies," she said, needing to gasp for air every word or two due to her weak lungs. She would just wait until Naraku was rebuilding in his basement for control of the mirror. Kanna was, if nothing, very patient.

-

Sesshou-maru was walking along the trail with a sodden Jaken in tow when he smelled Naraku's scent. He followed it to the body of Kagura, recently knocked out by her own stupidity.

"That's the witch who kidnapped me," piped up Jaken.

"She should be commended for that."

"My lord can be very cruel," said Jaken.

Sesshou-maru prodded Kagura's face with a booted foot. It took a little while before she opened her eyes.

"Sesshou-maru?" she said slowly, blinking. She sat up. "You're here for me!" Kagura was ready to hug him. The dog demon held a hand out before she had a chance.

"Naraku sent me," he said. Kagura frowned.

"Why does it always seem like Naraku controls every aspect of my life?"

"Is it because. . .he does?" asked Sesshou-maru. Kagura ignored him.

"One day I'm finally going to get someone to kill that bastard." Kagura reached for a feather to make her grand exit, but finding none, tried to walk off with grace and poise.

"Walking barefoot on a coarse gravel path must hurt," observed Jaken. "A most prideful and hotheaded woman."

-

Naraku was tiring of Kagura. He no longer needed to play with little dolls that broke so easily. Now he had a real boy toy! Kagura's antics were no longer amusing, and were getting in the way of his already strained relationship. He thought back to a time, when he and Sesshou-maru were just starting.

He had been so worried at first. Sesshou-maru was surely able to sniff out the human heart in him. What if he left him for a pure demon, like Kagura?

Doesn't matter, he had decided. I can just kill the bitch later.

'Later' had come. Naraku dug around for the urn. A quick squeeze and it would be over.

His fingers touched clay. Oh, he had been looking for that golem for ages.

-

The wasp's feet tickled.

"They're so pretty," said Rin. The wasp flew away as she moved her hand, paper-thin wings buzzing.

"Rin, protect Jaken," said Sesshou-maru. "I'm going to visit my brother." He was way behind schedule obtaining the Tetsaiga; Inuyasha should have been dead about three years ago.

"Okay," said Rin. She giggled when a wasp landed on her charge's hat.

Sesshou-maru slid the door closed behind him. It had been so long since he had traveled alone. He had even left Ah-un with Naraku.

It was quiet, soothing to his sensitive ears. Now he could get about killing his brother properly.

-

When Kagura felt the tinge in her empty chest, she knew her time was coming fast. She wandered around aimlessly for a while. What could you do when you knew you were about to die? Kagura sure as hell didn't know.

She should tie up her loose ends. She started walking more purposefully. Then she stopped. There was no point in tying up her loose ends. She was never going to be free, her life created and destroyed by the hands of Naraku. A second pain confirmed this.

She noticed Sesshou-maru, walking alone in the distance, coming towards her in long strides. A perfect chance to spite Naraku and regain some of her own pride! Kagura rushed towards him.

"We can finally be together. Sesshou-maru, my old flame! Our love shall transcend any bonds."

"Love _is_ a bond," said Sesshou-maru. "And what are you talking about, 'old flame'; I was never your boyfriend in the first place. I'm gay too, so could you please get your breasts out of my face?" Kagura was too stunned to move. Sesshou-maru pushed her out of the way.

Then Naraku's fingers tightened. Kagura crumpled to the ground, hands clenched against her chest.

The last thing she saw though her misting eyes was the lean silhouette of Sesshou-maru fading into the distance, his white fluffy floating serenely behind him.

-

So ends the tragic tale of Kagura, who died of a broken heart.


End file.
